Ze congratulatings

Lansarea unui monstru ca SL 65 AMG Black Series nu putea ramane neobservata si nu avea nicio sansa sa fie trecuta cu vederea de fanii Mercedes, care se mandresc cat pot cu noua aparitie in peisaj. De fapt, se mandresc exagerat de mult.

Un grup de fani ai stelei cu trei colturi au imaginat recent o scrisoare din partea BMW si Audi catre Mercedes prin care sefii celor doua marci de prestigiu ale Germaniei recunosc ca, dupa lansarea lui SL 65 AMG Black Series, razboiul masinilor s-a terminat pentru ca au fost lasati fara replica. Indiferent de tabara din care faceti parte, luati-va cateva minute si cititi. E in engleza, sa nu stricam farmecul.

Dear Mercedes,

Ze time is coming for us to give notice of our unconditional surrender in ze war for total power domination in series production automobiles. With ze introduction of your new SL 65 Schwarz edition you have made so much power we can no longer be competing. It is over, you are winning. We cannot take any more.

This battle has been for many years running now. First you are making the 300 saloon with ze 6.3 litre V8 in 1966 and then ze 450SEL 6.9 in ze 1970s. Ze starter motors of these machines was more powerful then our most powerful saloon cars, but we did catch up with you in ze 1980s remember?

BMW is making the E28 M5 in 1985 and Audi is having ze 200 Quattro Turbo which was rubbish but did feature in Ze Living Daylights when 007 rescues that bloke with the appalling Russian accent. Then BMW is introducing ze E34 M5 in 1990 with over 300bhp and you are becoming so embarrassed that ze Munich poofters are going faster that you are running to Porsche and saying in a girlie voice “Please, please help us to make a fast saloon car with a V8 engine because we are becoming so used to making E-Class Taxis we have forgotten how to make such a car.” We laughed at your running dog tactics and how ze mightly Daimler had to consult ze maker of fast Volkswagens for help. And Porsche made for you ze 500E, which was rather brilliant, so we no longer laughed.

You then are giving ze W210 E36 in 1996 and we are laughing again at your silly little six cylinder engines, but as we are laughing, you bring ze E50 from nowhere and we are thinking you might be onto something a bit special. Before BMW can do anything with a new M5, Audi is having ze new S8 with 345bhp, but you then have ze E55 with 349bhp and a few months later BMW is launching ze new E39 M5 near a place called Rimsting (true) and it is having 400bhp and then Audi is replying with the RS6 and 450bhp and everything is moving very fast and before we know it we are declaring some kind of war on you for total domination in this power race.

But everytime we are making a stronger engine, you are coming back with something even faster and this you must be understanding is very hard for us. We are trying to keep ze super-strong engines for our special model cars only, but you have been buying AMG a few years back and spraying V8s around villy nilly. Then you go and supercharge ze V8 for 476bhp and ze TUV is having to force you to come clean about it really being over 500bhp. Very naughty.

From this BMW is having to make some special 500bhp V10 for the new M5, but by then you have twin-turbocharged ze V12 and during bench testing ze earth has been shifted on its axis. Now we are feeling like this battle we are losing but we keep trying and Audi has given you a big kick in ze goolies with the 570bhp RS6 which is 70bhp more than any of your pathetic Stuttgarter 6.3 litre V8s is making. But we always are knowing that you are not afraid to be turbocharging your V12s and we can never be doing this.

And now we see this SL 65 schwartz edition and it is bringing enough power to make the Fiat 599 looking like it has a wery small villy. And we are liking that you are also German and doing this to annoy Ferrari, but we must also now tell you that we are having enough of ze power race. This is ze day it ends; with your 670bhp car.

We are having no answer to this. Congratulatings.

Kind Regards,
Board members of BMW und Audi.

P.S. Can we please be borrowing the SL 65 Schwartz for a few days?

4 comentarii la “Ze congratulatings”

  1. george spune


  2. Mircea Mester spune

    Yes, it iz. Bat it iz zo full of infoz… :)

  3. prudentul spune

    German technology rule. German jokes sucks, as everyone knows.

  4. george spune

    …useful to whom?

    It reminds me of the verbal skirmish between kindergarden boys over the top speed displayed on the speedometer of their dad`s car…as if it was the only important thing about a car…

    Anyway, if we talk about the sheer power of a car, why don`t we bring in the discussion the Bugatti Veyron which is a very close relative (almost a brother as far as I`m concerned) of Audi? Or the Lambo?Maybe because of it, Audi stopped its power quest at these levels…

    Let`s not forget that the basic structure of the Bugatti Veyron engine (you know, the source of the power) was drawn by Ferdinand Piech on a napkin during a press conference…

    We are talking about 1000 HP…that are available to the public since 2005…not bad, huh?

    So, dear membres of the Audi board, try to get your hands on the wheel and your asses into the seats of a Lambo or a Veyron for just a couple of hours…it will be more exciting and thrilling than a few days in a Mercedes…any of…